50 Years of Marriage

My parents will be married 50 years tomorrow. Their marriage is amazing and wonderful and inspiring. It makes me think about marriage and relationships and all of that. I've not managed to figure it out for myself, but I think one of the keys to their marriage is that they decided long ago, probably about 50 years ago, that they were in it together, for the long haul, no matter what. They decided that they were going on this journey together and they would make it work. They decided to be married and share a life together. Now, I know that sounds simple and obvious but really, once they decided to be together it was always a "given", sort of like breathing. Sure I can remember difficult moments. Sometimes I thought my dad was a little too hard on my mom. And I can remember my mom being worn out from her kids and her aging parents and the grandkids she helped raise. But that never made me think they loved each other less. Now when I spend time with them I see how they enjoy each other's company every day. My mom laughs at my dad's jokes as if she is on her first date with him.

I have been going through old photographs of my family and I feel pride, nostalgia and love for my parents and my siblings. I had and still have a joyful family. Sure, we're competitive and we don't share the same political or religious views but when we are all together in a room talking about camping and our disastrous dog, Pepsi, or the road trip to Florida - we're all laughing our heads off and remembering and enjoying one another. We all live in Minneapolis, I think 5 of us are in the same zip code. My brother John tried to move away once, but that didn't last long. Our proximity to my parents says a lot about what they did for us and for each other these 50 years.

Thank you Pat and John!

Church

It's a rift in the family sometimes. I grew up Catholic and some of my siblings still go to the church of my childhood. I go to church and sing in the choir of a church that is a better fit for me. Here are some things I love about my church.

1) Lots of people attend every Sunday - its always a full house
2) I am greeted every Sunday with a smiling someone saying hello
3) People laugh and applaud and sometimes cry during mass (yes - I said mass)
4) Everyone is included - no one has to skip communion because they are not Catholic
5) My feelings at the conclusion of the mass include: elation, belonging, happiness, responsibility, joy, peace, wonder . . .

Sometimes my parents join me at my church - but they still belong to their other church.
It's as if they feel guilty about being happy about going to a different church. Standard Catholic guilt I guess. Me, I just feel glad that I found SJA. And that it has let me blossom.

I wonder why people go to churches that are exclusive and depressing. That's not for me. Would Jesus be proud of our churches? Probably not. But He wouldn't point it out - that was never His style.

Thanksgiving 2008

My sister M and her husband J are always doing up a great Thanksgiving meal. I like to spend my time with them in the kitchen before dinner, helping out when possible and trying to keep track of my wine glass. It seemed a little calmer this year and I'm not sure why. The meal was excellent. I realized that I usually sit in exactly the same seat for Thanksgiving at my sister's house. We've had Thanksgiving there for about the last 5 years and I always sit in the same spot. Now that I think of it everyone sits in the same spot. What's with that?

Here are some things I'm thankful for.

1) my two healthy funny children
2) being born in this time and place
3) my sisters, brothers, and parents
4) my boyfriend
4) my friends
5) a job I love
6) my students who make me feel alive
7) humor
8) ideas
9) cupcakes with lots of frosting
10) floss


THE COMPACT
http://groups.msn.com/MNCompact

Is it really possible? Okay - so last year about the time I started this blog I really wanted to try to not buy anything new for a year. I failed at it. But I did buy less. Now I'm ready to try again - to take it more seriously and really really try. Who needs stuff? I have all I need. Even though at Target it seems like I don't have all I need. I really do have all I need and no, I don't need that cute rug or lamp or whatever it is. Gifts? I will sew and bake and regift. Sew, bake, and regift. I think food is okay. No more stuff.

I'm a little disappointed with the cupcake poll.

Weekend With The Kids

J and I raked. The raking day is always cold and damp and the leaves are heavy. I did no coaxing. He happily came out and raked with me. Looking up and smiling at me every once in a while. I don't know how a mother could be more proud. It is as if I can see them growing up. It's almost like the days when they were learning to walk and talk. Every day was something new. And now, every home visit has a newness to it. A new way of learning to live with these adult children of mine. J asks me how I'm doing now that I'm on my own, no kids at home. I don't like to think about it too much - it's hard and lonesome and worriesome and wonderful all at the same time. I am loving this time in their lives and I'm figuring out this time in my life. I need to carve out space and have some time to live in it for a while. It freaks me out to even think of what I would do.

Thanksgiving is only two weeks away.

Teacher Conference

Okay so I almost cried three times during the keynote address. They had to show darling pictures of middle school students holding inspirational words like (hope, determination, etc,) while playing enlightening music. I love going to conferences like that. It's uplifting and rejuvenating. Did I learn anything? Yes - but I have more questions now.

How do I get students to believe in themselves?
How do I convince them that I believe in them?
How much does content count if you don't know how to teach?
How do we change our teaching because the kids have changed the way they learn?
What does an "A" mean to a 12 year-old who is homeless, hungry, and beat up? Or an "F" for that matter?
Where can I do the most good?

Favorite ideas:

Never stop trying to become qualified for your job.

The signature of a great leader is humility.

Make a "not doing" list.

I love what I do. I can't wait to get back on Monday. Bring it on.

What's Going On?

I'm okay with sharing the wealth, spreading it out. It's surprising to me that the idea of "sharing the wealth" is thought of as bad in any way. What's bad about helping those who are less fortunate? What's bad about helping someone if you have a little more to give? It's ironic that those who tend to put themselves in the extremely Christian camp seem to be unable to remember the big message. Be nice to one another! Sheesh.

I went to my 25 year high school reunion on Saturday. It was a fun time. I'm both glad I went and glad it is over. It is similar to a family gathering. Even though we have all lived completely separate lives for the last 25 years and have seen nothing of one another, we all revert back to exactly how we acted when we were snotty nosed teenagers hanging around the high school. The snooty people were still snooty (but a little chubby), the quiet difficult people were still unable to carry on much of a conversation. There were some shining stars. One in particular was inspiring. Here was a woman who was not in the "cool" crowd and sometimes made fun of. Here she was the most beautiful woman in the room, strong, smart, humble, and really really funny. I love it when that happens! GO TO YOUR REUNIONS PEOPLE. You'll never regret it.

Wisconsin Weekend

J and M are growing up. It's great and fun and sad and scary and extremely cool. M is happily hanging out in the big city, meeting new people, figuring out the bus, living her life, making big plans. J is hanging with his soccer pals, studying hard, worrying too much, and watching TV. I love them.

Here's a link to our weekend adventure:

http://picasaweb.google.com/marthaspriggs/WisconsinWeekend#

Growning Up

My daughter came home this weekend to check out a different school. Yes, it's true she's only been away 6 weeks or so and she is already looking for something new. And as I sat across from her at dinner I was filled with awe and pride as she explained her plan. She grew up in these last weeks. She solidified her views and found her voice and her passion. M has always been brave with her ideas and action. She does what feels right to her and fights to be her unique self. I'm amazed at her strength and clarity. I listened and asked questions. Then we went to visit the school and she was clearly at home and excited and energized. She started dreaming and planning and I can't wait to see what she does next.

Politics in My Yard

On Saturday morning I woke up to a bright beautiful fall day and noticed that someone had removed my three yard signs. One of the signs was an anti-war sign, one was a plea to get people to vote yes to the school referendum and the third sign was in support of our next president. What's with that? I was at first very angry and felt that of course, people of that "ilk" would do something like that. I mean that ilk is filled with stupid destructive childish people. But then of course I realized that my rage was getting me down to the same level as them. So, I made some cookies and got a new yard sign. I wonder if they felt good taking down my signs. I hope so because then the signs did more good than I thought. I wonder if they thought that taking down my signs would make people stop thinking about the war and the schools and our new president? Are they afraid of me and my signs or my ideas? Or are they just some pranksters? I am still a bit miffed. It seems like this election is extra emotional and heated. People are afraid to hope for something different. It's all I think about and dream of. I can't wait!

Smile on Your Brother

Don't you think we should all smile on one another more? It seems like a simple thing to move the world along a little bit in a happier direction. So try it today, smile on someone. Force yourself to do it. You will be amazed at the results.

I never used to look at drivers. You know, when I am driving in my car I just sort of see the car as a "being" and never really bothered to look at the person. Lately, I've been looking at the person and smiling. Mostly I get smiles back. I smile on my bike and at the grocery store. Sometimes I try to smile while waiting in line (that's difficult for me).

Last spring I read a lovely book, The Encyclopedia of Ordinary Life. It's by Amy Krouse Rozenthal. The book is filled with sweetness. I sent her an email after I read it and she responded very kindly. Yesterday, she sent me this link for a new project. Take a look and pass it on and please smile on your brother.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0QVQSZA9zSk

All By Myself

Okay, so it's not so bad being on my own, having no one to cook for and clean up after.  There are some positives.  I'm not sure what they are right off the top of my head.  I'm cleaning up the basement now.  The basement is what I refer to as the "dorm room dungeon".  For the past year or so I've just given up.  I spend very little time down there except for laundry and an occasional pizza delivery.  So today I cleaned out J's room and came upon some nice little surprises.  My outside trash can is full and I filled two bags of stuff to go to ARC.  Then I needed to move the couch which is also a hide-a-bed.  That's a funny word.  I called my sister who has three strapping boys.  No answer.  I called my other sister who has a strong husband . . . nothing.  Then I called my 72 year-old-dad.  My mom answered and I told her my plan, she said, "I don't think he should be doing that."  Of course my dad heard my mom and he was over in about 3 minutes.  I have the knees of an 80 year old (that's what my doctor says with a sad kind of look) and my dad has the mind and soul of a 30 year old, but he's 72.  So we haul it up the stairs laughing a little and getting stuck, but we do it.  It feels good to get the gross couch out of the house and to feel like both of us probably did a little more than we should have physically, but we did it.  I've got go ice my knees now.

Pride and Worry

On Friday I took M to college!  It was a bright sunny day and a long drive.  We mostly listened to her iPod where she had created a playlist for the trip.  One of the many things I adore about M is that her taste in music has a wide range.  She likes many of the same things I like and we sang along and avoided the difficult goodbye-you're-growing-up conversation.  We got to her dorm earlier than expected and we were able to move in.  We wanted to get in before her room mate arrived because of space etc., so we started the move.  Everything went pretty smooth.  There were a few funny moments and some sad.  There was a point when she turned to me and said, "Mom, I'm not ready for college!"  She had the same tone of voice and expression that I remember feeling in the midst of childbirth.  I remember thinking, "Hey, I don't want to do this - I've changed my mind!"  Of course, I also knew it was inevitable - the pain would come and out would come a beautiful girl.  So in a few minutes, M said, "Okay, I guess I'm ready."  Friday night I went to see my son, J, play in his first college soccer game.  He did great - played most of the game and worked hard.  In the morning the three of us had breakfast and I dropped J off at soccer and proceeded to find the nearest Walmart.  Yuck.  Why hasn't Walmart figured out that with some better lighting and wider aisles their customers would be happier?  Is it that hard?  So I loaded my Walmart cart with a mini fridge, a shower caddy, a shoe storage thing, and other critical dorm supplies and headed for J's game.  After the game we all went to M's dorm and finished unpacking and getting it all set up.  She has a glorious few of Lake Michigan. We went to dinner and said our goodbyes.  Friday was harder for M and Saturday was harder for me.  I'm glad we weren't both bawling our eyes out.  One of us had to be the strong one.  I drove J back to his school and helped him clean out his fridge.  We stopped at another Walmart (no kidding) to load up on some hostess goodness and Gatorade.  It was hard to say goodbye.  I drove away with an ache that is still there.  I am very proud of my children.  They are both smart, strong, caring human beings and I know they will be okay.  It's hard to not feel their presence nearby.  I worry more - much more but I have to believe that all the things we have done together for the first 18 years will help them make good healthy choices now.  The feeling I have is sort of like the feeling you get after you've had the flu real bad, you know the kind when you have barfing and a high fever?  The feeling I have is the way you feel the day you go back to work after being sick with barfy flu.  Another way to think of it is the feeling you have after you've been crying real hard and you have the residual hiccup gasp post-cry thing going on.  That's how I feel.  Empty, sad, worried, and VERY proud.  They are beautiful amazing funny caring smart kids. 

No, They Are Not As Good as My Sister's

I try, I really do.  It used to just be my son who reminded me that my baking would never measure up to my sister's.  But last night as my daughter and I hung out together, feeling the first crisp fall air blow through the windows, she also, gave my sister the cookie nod.  She said, "Hey mom, can you make some cookies?"  Of course, I tell her.  Then she says,  "Mom, can you just try a little harder...?"  I stop her and tell her I'll do my best.  I think they taste fine.  Don't they look good?

Surprising

In March or April of this year when the presidential primaries were all crazy I had my class of 30 middle school students write letters to the candidates asking them some questions about their views on topics such as education, immigration, the economy,  and global warming (they chose the topics).  We wrote to 8 candidates, four on each side.  NONE responded by May.  So we wrote again, still nothing.  I wrote a follow up letter in June and still NOTHING.  I'm surprised and sad. Come on!  Those letters came from real people with real issues needing real answers.  Sheesh! Not even Ron Paul responded.

In The Water

I was up on the great Gunflint Trail this past week for more forced family fun.  There are many moments I will cherish and some that I will try hard to forget.  On day three I was at the dock getting ready to go fishing with the kids on our evening walleye hunt.  As I was reaching from the dock to hand something to the son my camera fell into the water.  There was a brief shriek and I looked at J to DO SOMETHING!  The camera was in about 5 feet of water, still visible from the surface.  First he tried grabbing for it but he couldn't get his arm deep enough from the dock. Then he raced up the 25 or so steps to our cabin at the top of the hill and emerged with a wimpy pair of tongs.  After about 5 minutes of trying to grab the camera with the tongs he gave up and again ran up the stairs only to emerge about 5 minutes later toweling off his hair.  M and I laughed our heads off then I ran up to get my swim suit on and I got the camera out.  It is broken of course, beyond repair.  Five other families came up and joined us mid-week and two other cameras took to the water.  I believe the other two cameras are still functioning.  We saw loads of wild life including a bear cub, a mom moose and child moose, three otters, a bald eagle, several turtles, a snake, and a gazillion mosquitos.  We took three nice canoe trips and I was glad that J had recovered enough from his soccer ankle injury enough to portage the canoe.  J goes to school on Friday.  I think that will be a fine day.

I will have no photos for a while - until I can find a camera on Craig's list I guess.

Forced Family Fun

On Saturday I had the need for some forced family fun with my two teenagers who are weeks away from leaving for college.  So we go bowling.  In the car on the way to the bowling alley it is pretty much silent, so I play some music.  Nothing.  Then we get to the bowling alley and get settled and J says, "Do they have food here?"  That's his focus in life.  Thank the lord they have food and he starts ordering.  We start bowling.  We finish the game in about 26 minutes.  I get 5 strikes and have to yell, "Hey kids - I got a strike!" to get them out of their teenage stupor.  M sashays up to the foul line and lets go of the ball mid air.  There is a loud crash the ball teeters down the alley - usually going directly towards a gutter.  Then she sashays back sullenly and sits down.  She starts chewing her hair.  J on the other hand throws the ball the rock star way - you know, you don't put your fingers into the holes, you just sort of hold the ball in the palm of your hand and use your wrist to give it a good spin.  It went fast, very fast, banging hard into the gutter most frames.  So I kicked butt but neither of them really noticed.  I bowl about once a year and it's always with them.  So we get home and M marches to her room and J goes to the basement.  About an hour later they emerge.  M is light hearted for some reason and walks over to me and says, "Wasn't that the crappiest family fun time ever?"  We all laugh and I ask them why it went the way it did.  Neither of them could tell me put they found it entirely out of character.  I wonder how many strikes I'll get next year.

Peace

Kids and Teaching

Look at the sweetness of these boys.  We are building a space shuttle and International Space Station out of plastic, tape, and some air pushed into it with a fan.  The ISS was looking sort of sad so the four of us did some sleuthing and fixed the trouble.  We just needed more tape and some patience.  These boys were so proud of their work.  We sat back and watch the ISS come to life.  Teaching is so exhilarating.  It is indescribable.  Sometimes I feel guilty about it because the feeling I get after a day with boys like this is so similar to the feeling I get after I eat an entire carton of Haagen Daz.  Pure joy.

The Town Where I Live

Do you ever think about where you live?  I love where I live but I know I don't appreciate it enough.  One day last week I rode to the falls where I spent some time looking at this.  I live 10 minutes from this.  These falls are falling all the time - right now the water is running over the rocks and crashing down to the creek below.  I can reach back to that moment - to the beauty of what is there now anytime.  It is there for me always.  Every summer I drive up north with my two kids and we marvel at what beauty exists in our state.  We are quiet as we drive through rock tunnels and hills that end in views that bring tears to our eyes.  There is one point in our drive when the lake ahead of us looks like it is above us - hanging in the sky in front of us.  It is at that moment that we are together loving the world.  Plus - no bugs in the car.

The Daughter

She got new glasses today.  One thing I love about M (there are many) is that she doesn't give a hoot what others think about her.  These glasses are straight out of 1981 and they are darling and so is she.  She is often trying to explain to me the pain of not being able to see.  She has worn contacts for about 6 years or so and I'm always on her case about wearing them to bed (which is bad for her eyes!).  And she says that the reason she wears them to bed is that she is blind without them, so we got her glasses to ease the bed time blindness.  The other thing I love about M is her independence and willingness to figure stuff out.  She always finds a job, gets her classes changed, talks to her counselor with little or no help from me.  Sometimes I have to remind myself she's really just a kid and she might want to feel little for a while longer.  Notice the tilt of the head.  She's got it down.  M recently got a picture of her grandmother from about 55 years ago and she had the exact same tilt - even in the same direction.  We're all the same.

The Car Accident

The Sunday after school was out, Sally Jo crashed into me.  She was turning right which is generally allowed unless there is a car on your right already.  She bashed into me and then seemed kind of peeved.  I practiced my calm breathing and then imagined stabbing her.  It worked!  After lots of phone calls and a week of driving a PT Cruiser rental (TRUE!) - I got my car back all shiny smooth and clean.  Sally Jo's insurance coughed it up.  

The thing that bothered me the most was the moment right after the impact.  It was one of those things that was obviously the fault of the "other" and I looked over at her thinking she would be looking all alarmed and apologetic but instead she was looking angry and ticked off.  Well, Sally Jo, you were in the wrong and I have my sweet little car back.  My only pain was driving the PT Cruiser for a week.  Do people actually buy those cars off the lot?  It's like driving a joke for a car.

Salad

Summer Time Drying

Sometimes the clothes get a little crunchy in the sun but it's better than running the dryer when it's 90.

My Garden!

Well, I'm trying very hard to upload a current photo of my vegetable garden. It is looking beautiful. I have enjoyed several salads (to cancel out the cupcakes) and lots of pesto. The tomatoes are just starting to form. The plants seem heavy so I'll have to reinforce them with some stakes. So I was getting mad about this upload business and said to myself "crap!" I really like that word. I don't consider it a curse word but I know that many people do consider it a curse word. When I say it to students they are often taken aback. I think it is funny because I pretty much never use the other real bad words. Get over it for crap's sake. I wish I could show you my garden picture but I'm getting some error message. Crap.

Show and Tell

So I'm teaching summer school this year half time. It was hard to decide to do it. I've often said that I'm a better teacher because I've never taught summer school. Usually, I feel like I need the break but this year is different because I had a lighter student load this past year and the summer school project we're doing isn't the usual paper and pencil kind of summer school. We're building a 1/4 scale model of the space shuttle and international space station out of plastic and gobs of duct tape. Today N, a fifth grader asked me several times if I wanted to see her frog. I said, "Is it real?" And she said yes and then started digging in her purse. She spent a few minutes digging and I thought "There is no way she has a real frog and if she does it's probably dead by now" - what with all the digging in the purse. She couldn't find it. About 20 minutes later I saw the frog hopping along minding its own business. So I picked it and asked N to take it outside to live. A few minutes later a different student found an ant and smashed it to death with her foot.

Boys Like Farting

Is there anything cuter than this boy working hard to make a fart on his arm? This is my son, J, at his "fishing" class. I stopped by on my bike and found him surrounded by all his little students who were working hard to make the best farting noise. J announced to the kids, "hey, look it's my mom!" and you would have thought I was Joe Maurer's mom. They looked at me with wonder and amazement and eagerly shared their farts with me. Why do boys like farting, making farting noises and talking about farts so much?

Work Is Good

Today was summer school training.  It is thrilling to teach.  I love it.  I love getting ready, planning, getting nervous, wondering if the kids will like me, hoping they are not too bored, knowing they won't laugh at my jokes.  Just remember that the first day of school your teacher is always just as nervous (or more so) than you are.  Doesn't that make you feel better?  

We are building a 1/4 scale model of the space shuttle and international space station.  I hope to post pictures as we go.  Stay tuned.

Remember When We Were Young?

Okay, so at the cabin for the fourth of J we got this giant water trampoline. On the instructions it said, "Don't jump on this". What the?! Then we had about an hour long discussion about how to get it into water at exactly the right depth and not too close to the neighbor's docks and stuff. Finally G and J just got into the boat and towed it out there. We wanted J to get on top of it and drop the anchor but as you can see, it didn't really go all that smooth. I found it to be great entertainment. Anyway, it got into the water at a fine depth. The kids swam out to it and realized it was the cheap version of the real water trampoline that our neighbors had so they jumped off and swam over to the neighbors trampoline and had a real good time. M and M sprawled out on the beach and read trashy magazines. It was a great old time.

Good Nature, Bad Nature

We were at the cabin for the fourth, the siblings and our teenagers. J, the 6' 7" nephew noticed this lovely pink and yellow moth on the entryway into the cabin. It was shockingly fluorescent. When did nature get so high tech? I mean, it was actually cartoonish in its beauty. Then we saw this nasty spider in the tub. I know it is difficult to tell the size of this spider, but its body was the side of a quarter - not including the legs. Yuckorama! M, my 19 year-old niece took care of it with the back of a sandal. There was no screaming just a little surprise at the number of whacks it took to take it down. Happy fourth!

Energy Source

Cupcakes are the answer to our energy problems. Try eating one cupcake each day and see what happens. At the very least your piss poor attitude will improve. Come on, give it a try.

July 2

Today I got to hold this sweet baby R. He belongs to my friend B. B is a great mom and filled with joy over motherhood and her new boy. I loved holding him. He is small and compact and as he fell asleep I remembered the sweetness of my own kids. Thank you for that B!
This evening I took a walk around the local lake with my sister M. We talked about our kids and our worries and laughed about some old times. She always has good stories to tell and advice to give. I had no cake today, but I did have some chocolate ice cream with whipped cream. It is by no means a substitute for cake, but delicious none the less.

July 1 - It's Summer!

Remember those youthful days when you went to your summer job during the day, came home and napped, and then went out with friends until the wee hours? Well, that's the life of my kids this summer. This is J - going to work. He comes home and watches TV and naps and then gets up to party. The kids come home late and as my friend put it recently, "I'm having a hard time holding down a fulltime job with the kids' party schedule!" It's true. I pray that they are safe and making good choices. Before they leave the house I remind them to not drink, not smoke pot, and abstain from sex hoping that they might just take that extra moment to think before they act and make the smart choice.

Raspberries and Cupakes!

Yesterday I noticed the first raspberry of the season on the raspberry bush just outside my back door. Isn't it cool? I gave it to G, and he enjoyed it. Today I went to Cupcake with my friend K. I had a moo moo cupcake. It was chocolate with cream cheese frosting. Yum. So, it was cupcake day #3. Today was the first day of summer that I have not had to work so I felt the usual no-work anxiety creeping up. I did lots of laundry and hung it out to dry. I went for a long bike ride and took a short nap. I cleaned my daughter's room. But still, I feel anxious. What gives?

More Cake Please

Today was my nephew A's high school graduation party. Yesterday was my niece C's party. Three kids start college this fall. Two going to Wisconsin schools, one going to Minnesota. The best thing about these parties has been by far the cake. In the month of June I was inundated with cakes. There were retirement cakes, graduation cakes, end-of-year cakes, thank you cakes, I'm sorry cakes, we-have-some-left-over-cake cakes. It was cake everyday. So, I decided to start counting the number of cake days I could string out. I got to 12 and then there was a lull. Of all of the 12 days of cake, I think I only purchased my own cake once or twice. My favorite day was the day I ate four pieces of cake in one day and three of the cakes were different cakes. It was incredible. Now, I'm starting over. Today is cake day two (I had cake at C's party yesterday and A's party today) and tomorrow I'm having lunch at a place called, Cupcake, so it will be cake day three. So far all the cakes have been white or chocolate. That's perfect because any kind of weird cake would just put me over the edge. Just stick with the basics when it comes to cake and everyone will be happy.

She's A College Freshman!

So M and I went to her freshman orientation. In case you're not sure how it works, the day starts out predictably, with an hour long blah blah blah session on the importance of academics and maintaining school engagement and this is the best time of your life and work hard etc. Then after about an hour into it, they separate the students from the parents, forbidding each group to contact the others, i.e, no texting, phone calling, or other communication. Then they bring the students to an undisclosed location and continue the boredom with the parents. The best part of the day was seeing her dorm room - great view! And then seeing M at the end of the day all filled with excitement and anticipation. She got her ID (she looks darling) and her class schedule. On the car ride home she said, "I feel like a real college student now." She read out loud from a book she's reading for about the last hour of the trip then we chatted about her high school friends and how she managed through some difficult times with them. I am so proud of how she navigated through her relationships with her peers. She worked hard at being kind while pushing some of her friends to do better. She is going to be a great college student. As my friend L put it, "I can't wait to start missing her."

The Long Ride Home

Driving home from M's college orientation was an adventure. It gets boring but M is always up for a good time. We decided to pull up along side the truckers and give the peace sign and then take a photo of their reaction. Everyone was positive. We either got peace signs back or thumbs up like this guy. What's not to like about this world?

CLUTTER

Every few months I go through fits of disorganization and I think I come up with some magical new "system" to cure all my woes. Well, apparently it isn't working. I can't believe how much stuff I have! Even though I've been pretty good with The Compact (i.e., not buying new stuff) - things continue to accumulate. I have large piles like this in pretty much every room. There is not a room that is clean and clutter free. How does it happen? What's in the piles? What happened to the paperless society idea? I've read up on this clutter problem and here what I have discovered:
1) You don't need half the crap you have
2) It's okay to throw away magazines - even if they are professional journals
3) Everyone has clutter - some just hide it better
4) Moving stuff from one place to another doesn't solve anything
5) It's better to throw away too much than not enough

I have to get to it. My goal for today: Get rid of this pile!

TWO FORCES OF NATURE

Here she is - my sweet girl. M is 18 - a recent high school graduate. She is a force to be reckoned with - just like my garden. The summer before the daughter goes to college is proving to be filled with excitement, tension, frustration, memories, love, confusion, sadness, and laughter. I guess it is to be expected. She is annoyed with me. Today for example, I said, "Hey M, what are you going to do today?" Her response, "WHY DO YOU NEED TO KNOW EVERYTHING I DO AT EVERY MOMENT? WHY DO YOU HAVE TO ASK SO MANY QUESTIONS!" I smiled and shut her door and went on with my day. When I got home from work she was in the exact same position on her bed peering into her computer screen. I opened the door to her room and asked if she had moved at all today. I thought it was kind of funny - she didn't.

Tonight at dinner we went over our highs and lows for the day. J told a funny story about one of his young students who put an orange construction cone on his head and sad down in the yoga position. When J asked what he was doing the five-year-old responded, "I'm hesitating." I love that J is sharing his teacher stories. It is a gift of teaching to be a witness to these precious life stories. M was bored with highs and lows and came up with nothing.

I started my first ever vegetable garden this year. I planted my garden in May with hopes of an organic vegetarian life style for the summer. Well a few hours after I transplanted the carefully seed-grown heirloom tomato plants from indoors to out, a hail storm came through and crushed the poor tender plants. One survived. I planted the lettuce from seed and have enjoyed several salads. My dad had to give me two of his miracle grow - highly fertilized tomato plants to replace mine. I guess that's okay. Since I have one plant that survived and two that he has given me, I can compare and see what happens.

I have been meeting with S - a new work friend to do some teacher stuff this summer. She takes a picture a day. I love the idea. Writing feels easier when you have a purpose - a picture, a moment to remember.

What would your picture be for today?

Rage and Joy - You Choose

Today I was quite angry at a colleague.  Now I'm realizing it was a waste of time.  Here's my new plan - be quiet and observant.  I have been working on "always maintain only a joyful mind" also but today it was too late.  Rage entered my heart and there was no way to get back to joy.

The secret seems to be to start with joy.  Begin with joy.  Say it and believe it and then of course you become it.  

One of the things I say to my students is, "It's okay if you don't care or you're not interested, but it's not okay to act that way.  Just pretend like you're interested and see what happens."  It's cool to watch the power of faking it - the power of the mind.  Act like you're engaged in solving a problem and you tend to solve the problem.

Is it easy to always maintain only a joyful mind?  Is it another way of faking it? Is it insincere?   Try it. Say the mantra to yourself and really consciously bring your mind back to joy when you feel yourself slipping into anger or frustration.  Think joyful and see what happens.

My daughter graduated from high school yesterday.  It is at once shocking and exhilarating.  I'm worried and anxious and happy.  She will do great things in her life.  What will I do with mine?

Be the joy.

People Hope

I waited in line for two hours to see Obama speak his words of hope. It was exciting and energizing. It wasn't just about him. It was a line of strangers that stretched out over a mile. We were all talking and wondering and hoping. We weren't really waiting. In that space of two hours we started talking and laughing and feeling good about being together in America at this time. We were joyful. And then we got to get inside and hear the man talk to us with great spirit and responsibility. He helps me believe that things can really get better if we all do our part.

I loved watching the people walk by in that line. It was cool to see their faces as they realized how long the line was. Not one person gave up after looking at the line. No one turned around. They just kept walking, got in line, and started chatting up the next person in line. That's what Obama people do. We keep walking, we don't give up, we build relationships, and we work on it.

Work has been busy this week. The early days were frustrating but now things are getting done and coming together. I'm wondering about next year and I'm hopeful. It will be better. It's funny how overwhelming a new school year can feel. It is looming out there and I need to start thinking and planning about it. Just think how next year looks for our country, for our new president. We all need to keep walking and believing that we'll get in. Even if we've been waiting for 8 years.

Grownups

What do you do when the grownups start acting like children? I'm at a loss. I wonder if I should just call it - "you're acting like a small child." or "Why don't you do what you're asked to do?" or "How about you just do your job?" Sometimes I think we should have a sign in the office that lists the requirements for working there. #1) Come to work on time every day. #2) Do your job every day. It seems so simple and obvious and yet it is not the norm where I work. Then I get to thinking, why don't people do their job? Two reasons. First, they don't want to. Second, they are unable to. Both reasons suck it up. If your reason is that you don't want to, I suggest you find a job that you want to to. If your reason sis that you are unable to do your job, either get trained so you can do your job or find a job that you are able to do. It is maddening.

Today was gloomy and warm. I rode home in the rain. There are two loon couples I see on my ride. On my way in I see the first couple near the shore of Calhoun and on the way home there is another couple at Harriet. It is sweetness. They are close together probably getting breakfast in the morning and dinner in the evening. They give me hope for some reason. Here they are two beautiful creatures in the middle of the city living a perfectly lovely life. I get to enjoy them every day. Thank you for that.

So in the midst of all of my ranting about people not doing their jobs. Really, who cares. Those loons will be there whether or not everyone shows up to work and I can count on them to give me a little joy every day.

Random Ideas and Musings

I wish I was a funny writer. Thinking can be funny - I particularly like to think of funny things. Sometimes I believe I can actually feel the funny part of my brain enjoying the humor. Garrison Keillor is a funny writer. He is funnier in his writing than in person. Strangely, many people take his writing seriously and then get all pissed off with him. Enjoy the fun. Relax.

So last night there was some drama at my house. The weather was sunny but the clouds were rolling in. My bf came over for dinner and I was waiting for my daughter to return from work. It starting looking a little ominous outside and the sirens went off so I called my daughter. She was walking home and had taken refuge in a bus shelter. I set off to pick her up. She was about one mile away. The weather turned terrible in a matter of seconds. The wind picked up and the visibility went down to about 5 feet. It started raining and then hailing... hard. Large sticks and debris flew in front of the car. I was afraid for my life but I realized I had to get my daughter. I kept driving and praying. My hands gripped the wheel. Finally I got to the bus shelter and she ran out to the car. We drove home. The hail was pouring down, the car was sliding on the hail as if it were ice. The wind was really strong. We made it home and the yard was white, covered with hail. The bf and his son greeted us with concern and happiness. All was well.

Then I remembered what I had done just a few hours earlier. I carefully planted the seedlings that I had started inside about 6 weeks ago. I planted some organic heirloom tomato and brocolli plants. The garden bed was now covered in pea sized hail. I was crushed! Life that I had nurtured was gone. In the morning I checked the damage. One plant survived. The others were gone - no evidence was visible of their existence. Then of course I thought of the poor farmers and all of the people who had gone through real distaster and devastation in the past year. My sad little plants had lost their lives - but the effect on my life was tiny. I had a little part of my heart broken, but it has healed. There will be other plants.

How do people survive real loss and tradgedy? How can they believe that things will be okay?

The Compact

A few weeks ago there was an article in the newspaper about something called "The Compact". There is a group of people in San Francisco who started The Compact. The idea is to buy nothing new for one year to support recycling, reusing and to go against consumerism. Think about all the stuff in the world. I have way too much stuff in my basement, in my garage, on my night stand, under my bed. Everywhere! I don't NEED any more stuff. And when I go to Target and see that cute shirt for only $9.99 I have to say no.

I've been trying to do this since January 6. There are no hard and fast rules - the San Fran people have general guidelines, and they are relaxed about the so called rules because they are from California after all.

So, here are the rules. Buy nothing new except food. If you really NEED something, barter, trade, or buy it used.

Here are some ways that I've managed to make it work:

1) buy food for gifts (chocolates, wine, candy)
2) make cards
3) DON'T go to Target - go to the crappy neighborhood Walgreens instead
4) Everytime you say no to the cute shirt in the groovy Boden catalogue take a moment to feel good about what you've just done
5) Tell people - they will hold you to it and keep you on track by asking how it's going
6) Let yourself make exceptions

I will keep you updated on my progress. So far this year I have purchased some non-food items, but no clothes.

Which Is It?

Politics. Exciting, envigorating, depressing. When I delve into things I see how naive I am about so many things and I'm just an average person. It frightens me to think how uninformed we all are. And how does one become informed in an unbiased way? Who can we trust?

The war is about oil. Haven't we all heard that many times? What does it mean? It seems to me that it means that the war is about power and greed - specifically, American power and greed. We are in Iraq to get the oil. It is not about democracy or terrorism or any wmd (at least that is clear to everyone now). Check out Antonia Juhasz's editorial in the NYT. www.nytimes.com/2007/03/13/opinion/13juhasz.html. Her message is powerful. Just as powerful as the one that has been painted of the big bad terrorists and middle east oil barrens. Which is it?

Her answer to the oil problem. Stop driving. Is that possible?

Here is something you can do that is both good for you and good for the world. http://www.freerice.com check it out.

Be good to everyone. Be good in each moment. Make the hard choice. Smile when you don't feel like it. The next time you want to give the finger to the jerk who cut you off on 35W, give a smile with the peace sign. Be the peace in the world. Really. It's up to YOU.

A New Year

Always maintain a joyful mind. Try the mantra. Today I practiced this mantra. About 50% of the time I wake up angry or glum. Today I woke and said the mantra. It helped me to read it and say it several times. As I went through my day I forced my mind back to the words. At one time in the day someone said to me, "You seem different today - so joyful, what's up?" Isn't that cool?

My teenage kids and I went to the MLK concert at my church on Sunday. I sang in the choir with G and it was quite fun and moving. My kids went reluctantly. They ARE teenagers. But later that day when I was using the computer I saw that my son had downloaded a song from iTunes that he had heard at the concert. Happiness.

Life is filled with sweetness. Look for it. Let it in.