Do What You Love

It took me a while to find it. Now that my children are finding their way, I realize how patient and curious we should be before throwing in the towel or making a decision that we are unsure of. Living is all about trying and exploring. It takes time and the thing you love today might be different tomorrow. Find it and if you can't find it, keep looking and do things that make the looking more fun. Take a class, read a book, take a nap, talk to your grandma. Believe in yourself and in what you are doing is exactly the right thing to be doing now. Figure out what's next when it arrives.

Tips

If you feel ill, take some deep breaths. If you still feel sick, call your mother and place a cool compress on your head.

What is Faith?

In my darkest moment I reached out for comfort. I didn't ask why this had to happen to me. I think that is faith. I knew there was comfort for me - I knew if I could reach out, it would be there. I knew that if I just asked and let go a little that I would be okay. Sure, there were times that I thought, does it have to hurt so much? or does recovery have to take quite so long? Sometimes I wondered when I would hear some good news, like the date I'd be released from the hospital. But through it all, I knew it would be okay. There were many people that came to support me spiritually. A chaplain, a priest, a healer. The chaplain suggested this short prayer, "Be still and know that I am God." As I said it I felt like I was actually in God's palm - what a beautiful feeling of comfort and security. One morning after a terrible feverish night sleep, I finally dozed off. I woke up with the the voices from my church choir in my ear singing Total Praise. I am changed. Not in my faith or my belief. I am changed in what faith can do for all of us. Believe.

Home At Last

It's been an unbelievable two weeks. An adventure of some kind. I am still in a haze, but slowly coming to the surface of my life. I have had wonderful care at the hospital. My friends and family have been unbelievably supportive and caring - doing much more than I ever asked. It has been overwhelming and humbling to feel so cared for and loved. I have a great life and I'm so glad to get back into it.

My Life

My life in the past two weeks

1) barfing & stomach pain
2) ER for 6 hours
3) CT scan #1
4) admitted to hospital
5) more barfing and stomach pain
6) diverticulitis diagnosis
7) perforated colon
8) abscess
9) CT scan #2
10) waiting to see what will happen
11) IV antibiotics
12) CT scan #3
13) decision to fix colon surgically
14) clear out colon for 24 hours, drinking horrible stuff
15) surgery
16) recover from surgery
17) low hemoglobin
18) get blood transfusion
19) getting nutrition and medicine through neck
20) hurt knee
21) get it drained and cortisone injected
22) washed hair
23) first day of eating today
23) recovering

Day 7

Still in hospital. Attitude fluctuating. Drugs help, but make me sleepy. I miss my life.

Acute Complicated Diverticulitis

This is what I have. I thought it was the flu at first, you know barfing, stomach cramps, the standard business. But my stomach continued to ache and the barfing wasn't letting up even though there was nothing left. So off to the hospital I went, (last Tuesday night). After lots of tests they diagnosed me with diverticulitis. If you're over 40, you probably have it too, so watch out.

If you'd like to know more about this lovely disease, check this out:
http://digestive.niddk.nih.gov/ddiseases/pubs/diverticulosis/

Basically, I had a bulge in my colon. As I said before, most of you out there have one too. It's normal, and usually you have no symptoms. Usually. The bulge is sort of like a hernia. In my case the bulge turned into a hole and then the pain got worse, and the fever, etc.

The cure? Lots of IV antibiotics, with the hope that it will heal naturally, sort of like a scab. It can happen. It just goes real slow. My fever is down. I still have a little pain and some other problems (that I will not get into).

I'm hoping to go home tomorrow or Monday. It's strange to be in the hospital so long. Extremely boring, but I feel too sick to do much to keep me from being bored.

Keep your fingers crossed and say a prayer.

I'm 7

Changes for me. I think mostly good. Scary. You know how we all can reach back to one specific age as if we never really aged? My age is 7. I feel it especially now. I wonder if it is just an age that was particularly good or that lots of things happened that year. Maybe my brain was developing in a specific way to contain the memories of that time. I have to remind myself, I'm really 44.

Our Mothers

You think we know them, but I think it is time we get to know them. Two weeks ago my friend Katie's mom died. Yesterday I went to the funeral and Katie told her mom's story and I thought, do I know my mom's story? I'm not so sure. Let's get to know our moms. Let's talk to them and ask them about their childhood. What were their secrets? How did they do in 5th grade? What kind of shoes did they wear on their first day of school? How did they meet our dads? What did they do on summer vacation? Did they fight with their siblings? Did they like mac and cheese and hate green beans? How did they get through life before we came along? Let's ask.

Real People

So I read a great book and sent the author an email and she responded and then I got to meet her. Really. I also sent a letter to Obama asking him to visit the school and his scheduler called me and said he was too busy but appreciated being asked. Sweet.

Do something nice for someone secretly this week.

I'm trying to think of a mission a week. The author I met, Amy Kraus Rosenthal has a fabulous blog in which she suggests a mission each week. Last week it was about "doing that one thing, you know what it is."

Check it out at http://blogs.vocalo.org/blog/amykr

Kindness goes a long way. Give it a go.