We All Do Better When We All Do Better

This weekend was the weekend to get ready for the first day of school with my new class of third and fourth graders. I feel anxious and this feeling is a familiar feeling. Every year the days and moments before that first day are filled with hope, excitement, worry, preoccupation, and wonder. Then they arrive and it's pure joy mixed with frenzy. This year my hope is to slow down enough to enjoy and SEE EVERY CHILD EVERY DAY. I want them to feel like I see them for exactly the wonderful people they are. There are so many friends I have in this profession who have helped me feel seen and heard and I am forever grateful to them. Susan, Jon, Sonja, Jim, Claudia, Herm, Sandi, Bill, Wendy, Patty, Paula, Sharon Patti, Sarah, Anne, Kristen, Patrick, Allison, Naomi, Sylvia, Natalie, Denise, Amy, Tara, Bridget, Nancy, Deborah. So may more. Thank you all. I see you.

Setting Up For Peace

Setting up my new classroom - I think about the students as I sort through the books, throw away old glue, and clean the sink. Wondering so many things about them: 1) What will they want to learn about? 2) How do they learn best? 3) What will surprise me about them? 4) Will they put the cover tight on the markers? 5) Will they want to do spelling or just have time to read? 6) How tall are they? 7) In what ways will I help them feel loved? 8) What gifts will they share with the classroom and school community? 9) When will we first laugh together? 10) How will this year be special for them? Can't wait!

It's a New Day - Going Back or Moving Forward.

During the past four years I was a principal and in the last year I made the decision to return to the job I love - teaching. I start next week. Many have asked me why I chose to make the change - often times they ask "Why are you going back to teaching? "Going back" is not a good fit. One cannot "go back" to teaching. The teaching profession is one that requires moving forward always. It is precisely the reason why I left the principalship at a school that did not want to move forward. Learning = moving forward. Schools are places of learning. Get out if you don't want to move. Let's do this!

The New Year

It can be overwhelming to think of all the things we want to change or accomplish in the coming year. I am at times paralyzed with indecision and anxiety about the future but then I just do a load of laundry or clean the bathroom and I get a move on. Some goals for the new year: 1) Simplify - throw crap away and take advantage of the cool new mixed recycling bin as much as possible. 2) Spend less and save more. 3) Think of ways to get the politicians in DC to do some actual work and encourage them to do so. 4) Be grateful and calm. 5) Encourage rich people to share their wealth to support the poor and disadvantaged.

Rehabilitating Gratefully

Two years ago I became unexpectedly ill and was in the hospital for two weeks - with a colon surgery in the middle of it. After surgery, etc., it took me a few weeks to get back to 100%. That was a time of much contemplation about life and priorities and family and friends. I think back on that time and tears come to my eyes when I think about all of the people who prayed and cared for me. From siblings to complete strangers, I felt the love and support of so many. Two weeks I ago I chose to have both of my knees replaced. Now I am at home recovering and it reminds me of that time two years ago. My friends and family are here with me, checking in, cracking jokes, taking me for walks, complimenting me on my progress, listening to me learn and play the ukulele and loving me up. I have had a couple of rough days when I get impatient because I can't walk or lift my legs on my own. I have pain that cuts through almost anything I try to do to distract myself from it. And I cry. But every day gets better and I have to remind myself that I chose this. In the end, my knees will be better than they were before, right? Better, stronger, faster..... When I am in those darkest depths I remember how lucky I am to have so many people who care about me and to have such a wonderful and full life. I will walk again soon, and I'll be able to lift my legs on my own and bend them to over 90 degrees. It will all come. In the meantime, thank you Dad, for putting in a railing on my back steps and replacing the railing to the basement. Thank you Lucas, for adding the granny bars to my toilet and bathtub. Thank you Diane, for lending me your walker. Thank you Pam for the flowers, books, magazines, and gab fest when you have your own pain. Thank you Margaret and Mary for walking and talking with me. Thank you John and Mary for waking up in the middle of the night to a tearful mom and helping me get to the bathroom. Thank you Greg for the ukulele and to Shawn for the song book and the sage advice. Thank you Kathy for the delicious veggie treats and for organizing my meals for the coming weeks. Thank you all.

Truth

People say they believe in equity. They want to make a difference. Drop off food at the food shelf. Give five bucks to the guy with the sign by the freeway. We have schools with 100% brown poor kids. Not okay. It's not fixed by the white schools with 20% brown and poor. That's not equity. Is anyone listening?

Spring

Walking around the neighborhood lake with Dad I spotted some ducks and knew that my son could name them immediately. Great Egret, Ruddy Duck, Common Merganser, Bufflehead. It's unusual to see these birds on a small pond next to the freeway and I know it is just a stopping place. My son knows the ducks from pouring over books in his youth, now I just type in Minneapolis ducks with white head in Minnesota and I get the list. He came over and confirmed I got most of them right. I'm hoping he'll walk around the lake with me soon to identify the birds and chat with his dear old mom.

Life is good in the city - I have to keep looking for the ducks and finding the beauty in the talking and walking.

NOT Rocket Science

One of the things I love about education is the challenge of it. Since my first year of teaching 11 years ago, I remember reading and talking and asking lots of questions trying to find that elusive magic bullet. What is it that we can do to eliminate the achievement gap? It turns out it isn't that complicated. Here's the secret: do whatever it takes to make sure every student learns, every single day. If they don't, then re-teach in a different way and assess again.

Roland Fryer and Geoffrey Canada talk about this issue. Check it out:

www.aifestival.org/session/afternoon-conversation-geoffrey-canada-and-roland-fryer-jr

There are five things we can do to eliminate the achievement gap*:

1) More time in school.

2) Teacher quality

3) Using data to drive instruction – every 3 weeks, re-teach, re-assess, make sure kids get mastery

4) Differentiating instruction

5) Culture, expectations, accountability

(*research based data shows these five things are correlated with significantly reducing the achievement gap).

Now, if only we could get teachers on board with this....

Changing School Culture

Thanks to a colleague, I'm reading a great book about changing school culture. I've wondered how to go about changing mindsets so that everyone has the "do whatever it takes" attitude when it comes to student achievement. The strange thing is that many teachers will say that they are doing all they can, that they can't do anymore. We have to keep going until all students achieve. The very idea that one can do this job in 7.75 hours is ridiculous and unprofessional yet our profession is part of a union that fights for the right to arrive at work at 7:00 and leave promptly at 2:45. If we are to make real changes for our students, we cannot adhere to that schedule. Imagine a surgeon who had a particularly difficult operation. What if his hours were up in the midst of surgery? Would he leave the patient on the table? Never. But that's what some teachers are fighting for. I'm not into teacher bashing because it gets us no where. It's time for solutions. Time to use the union to move our profession forward instead of backward. Rather than clinging to some crazy schedule or structures that support weak teachers, why not work to increase our pay and require more education for teacher licensing? Why not work toward a longer school day and paying teachers more who choose to work in high poverty schools? Why be so defensive?

Last Days of School

Everything is important. Every moment. I know everyone is tired and we are all looking forward to some time to rest and recover. But we need to stay focused on our work for now.

Research says that students lose 2.5 months of learning over the summer and the time spent recovering the learning in the fall simply puts student learning back even more. This problem is more critical with poor children. I know everyone thinks we're being nice by showing movies on these last days and going on field trips, but really, we're doing some real damage that can't be made up. Students will spend much of their summer indoors watching movies. School is for learning. Step it up people. It's the least we can do.

Do What You Love

It took me a while to find it. Now that my children are finding their way, I realize how patient and curious we should be before throwing in the towel or making a decision that we are unsure of. Living is all about trying and exploring. It takes time and the thing you love today might be different tomorrow. Find it and if you can't find it, keep looking and do things that make the looking more fun. Take a class, read a book, take a nap, talk to your grandma. Believe in yourself and in what you are doing is exactly the right thing to be doing now. Figure out what's next when it arrives.

Tips

If you feel ill, take some deep breaths. If you still feel sick, call your mother and place a cool compress on your head.

What is Faith?

In my darkest moment I reached out for comfort. I didn't ask why this had to happen to me. I think that is faith. I knew there was comfort for me - I knew if I could reach out, it would be there. I knew that if I just asked and let go a little that I would be okay. Sure, there were times that I thought, does it have to hurt so much? or does recovery have to take quite so long? Sometimes I wondered when I would hear some good news, like the date I'd be released from the hospital. But through it all, I knew it would be okay. There were many people that came to support me spiritually. A chaplain, a priest, a healer. The chaplain suggested this short prayer, "Be still and know that I am God." As I said it I felt like I was actually in God's palm - what a beautiful feeling of comfort and security. One morning after a terrible feverish night sleep, I finally dozed off. I woke up with the the voices from my church choir in my ear singing Total Praise. I am changed. Not in my faith or my belief. I am changed in what faith can do for all of us. Believe.

Home At Last

It's been an unbelievable two weeks. An adventure of some kind. I am still in a haze, but slowly coming to the surface of my life. I have had wonderful care at the hospital. My friends and family have been unbelievably supportive and caring - doing much more than I ever asked. It has been overwhelming and humbling to feel so cared for and loved. I have a great life and I'm so glad to get back into it.

My Life

My life in the past two weeks

1) barfing & stomach pain
2) ER for 6 hours
3) CT scan #1
4) admitted to hospital
5) more barfing and stomach pain
6) diverticulitis diagnosis
7) perforated colon
8) abscess
9) CT scan #2
10) waiting to see what will happen
11) IV antibiotics
12) CT scan #3
13) decision to fix colon surgically
14) clear out colon for 24 hours, drinking horrible stuff
15) surgery
16) recover from surgery
17) low hemoglobin
18) get blood transfusion
19) getting nutrition and medicine through neck
20) hurt knee
21) get it drained and cortisone injected
22) washed hair
23) first day of eating today
23) recovering

Day 7

Still in hospital. Attitude fluctuating. Drugs help, but make me sleepy. I miss my life.

Acute Complicated Diverticulitis

This is what I have. I thought it was the flu at first, you know barfing, stomach cramps, the standard business. But my stomach continued to ache and the barfing wasn't letting up even though there was nothing left. So off to the hospital I went, (last Tuesday night). After lots of tests they diagnosed me with diverticulitis. If you're over 40, you probably have it too, so watch out.

If you'd like to know more about this lovely disease, check this out:
http://digestive.niddk.nih.gov/ddiseases/pubs/diverticulosis/

Basically, I had a bulge in my colon. As I said before, most of you out there have one too. It's normal, and usually you have no symptoms. Usually. The bulge is sort of like a hernia. In my case the bulge turned into a hole and then the pain got worse, and the fever, etc.

The cure? Lots of IV antibiotics, with the hope that it will heal naturally, sort of like a scab. It can happen. It just goes real slow. My fever is down. I still have a little pain and some other problems (that I will not get into).

I'm hoping to go home tomorrow or Monday. It's strange to be in the hospital so long. Extremely boring, but I feel too sick to do much to keep me from being bored.

Keep your fingers crossed and say a prayer.

I'm 7

Changes for me. I think mostly good. Scary. You know how we all can reach back to one specific age as if we never really aged? My age is 7. I feel it especially now. I wonder if it is just an age that was particularly good or that lots of things happened that year. Maybe my brain was developing in a specific way to contain the memories of that time. I have to remind myself, I'm really 44.

Our Mothers

You think we know them, but I think it is time we get to know them. Two weeks ago my friend Katie's mom died. Yesterday I went to the funeral and Katie told her mom's story and I thought, do I know my mom's story? I'm not so sure. Let's get to know our moms. Let's talk to them and ask them about their childhood. What were their secrets? How did they do in 5th grade? What kind of shoes did they wear on their first day of school? How did they meet our dads? What did they do on summer vacation? Did they fight with their siblings? Did they like mac and cheese and hate green beans? How did they get through life before we came along? Let's ask.