CLUTTER

Every few months I go through fits of disorganization and I think I come up with some magical new "system" to cure all my woes. Well, apparently it isn't working. I can't believe how much stuff I have! Even though I've been pretty good with The Compact (i.e., not buying new stuff) - things continue to accumulate. I have large piles like this in pretty much every room. There is not a room that is clean and clutter free. How does it happen? What's in the piles? What happened to the paperless society idea? I've read up on this clutter problem and here what I have discovered:
1) You don't need half the crap you have
2) It's okay to throw away magazines - even if they are professional journals
3) Everyone has clutter - some just hide it better
4) Moving stuff from one place to another doesn't solve anything
5) It's better to throw away too much than not enough

I have to get to it. My goal for today: Get rid of this pile!

TWO FORCES OF NATURE

Here she is - my sweet girl. M is 18 - a recent high school graduate. She is a force to be reckoned with - just like my garden. The summer before the daughter goes to college is proving to be filled with excitement, tension, frustration, memories, love, confusion, sadness, and laughter. I guess it is to be expected. She is annoyed with me. Today for example, I said, "Hey M, what are you going to do today?" Her response, "WHY DO YOU NEED TO KNOW EVERYTHING I DO AT EVERY MOMENT? WHY DO YOU HAVE TO ASK SO MANY QUESTIONS!" I smiled and shut her door and went on with my day. When I got home from work she was in the exact same position on her bed peering into her computer screen. I opened the door to her room and asked if she had moved at all today. I thought it was kind of funny - she didn't.

Tonight at dinner we went over our highs and lows for the day. J told a funny story about one of his young students who put an orange construction cone on his head and sad down in the yoga position. When J asked what he was doing the five-year-old responded, "I'm hesitating." I love that J is sharing his teacher stories. It is a gift of teaching to be a witness to these precious life stories. M was bored with highs and lows and came up with nothing.

I started my first ever vegetable garden this year. I planted my garden in May with hopes of an organic vegetarian life style for the summer. Well a few hours after I transplanted the carefully seed-grown heirloom tomato plants from indoors to out, a hail storm came through and crushed the poor tender plants. One survived. I planted the lettuce from seed and have enjoyed several salads. My dad had to give me two of his miracle grow - highly fertilized tomato plants to replace mine. I guess that's okay. Since I have one plant that survived and two that he has given me, I can compare and see what happens.

I have been meeting with S - a new work friend to do some teacher stuff this summer. She takes a picture a day. I love the idea. Writing feels easier when you have a purpose - a picture, a moment to remember.

What would your picture be for today?

Rage and Joy - You Choose

Today I was quite angry at a colleague.  Now I'm realizing it was a waste of time.  Here's my new plan - be quiet and observant.  I have been working on "always maintain only a joyful mind" also but today it was too late.  Rage entered my heart and there was no way to get back to joy.

The secret seems to be to start with joy.  Begin with joy.  Say it and believe it and then of course you become it.  

One of the things I say to my students is, "It's okay if you don't care or you're not interested, but it's not okay to act that way.  Just pretend like you're interested and see what happens."  It's cool to watch the power of faking it - the power of the mind.  Act like you're engaged in solving a problem and you tend to solve the problem.

Is it easy to always maintain only a joyful mind?  Is it another way of faking it? Is it insincere?   Try it. Say the mantra to yourself and really consciously bring your mind back to joy when you feel yourself slipping into anger or frustration.  Think joyful and see what happens.

My daughter graduated from high school yesterday.  It is at once shocking and exhilarating.  I'm worried and anxious and happy.  She will do great things in her life.  What will I do with mine?

Be the joy.

People Hope

I waited in line for two hours to see Obama speak his words of hope. It was exciting and energizing. It wasn't just about him. It was a line of strangers that stretched out over a mile. We were all talking and wondering and hoping. We weren't really waiting. In that space of two hours we started talking and laughing and feeling good about being together in America at this time. We were joyful. And then we got to get inside and hear the man talk to us with great spirit and responsibility. He helps me believe that things can really get better if we all do our part.

I loved watching the people walk by in that line. It was cool to see their faces as they realized how long the line was. Not one person gave up after looking at the line. No one turned around. They just kept walking, got in line, and started chatting up the next person in line. That's what Obama people do. We keep walking, we don't give up, we build relationships, and we work on it.

Work has been busy this week. The early days were frustrating but now things are getting done and coming together. I'm wondering about next year and I'm hopeful. It will be better. It's funny how overwhelming a new school year can feel. It is looming out there and I need to start thinking and planning about it. Just think how next year looks for our country, for our new president. We all need to keep walking and believing that we'll get in. Even if we've been waiting for 8 years.

Grownups

What do you do when the grownups start acting like children? I'm at a loss. I wonder if I should just call it - "you're acting like a small child." or "Why don't you do what you're asked to do?" or "How about you just do your job?" Sometimes I think we should have a sign in the office that lists the requirements for working there. #1) Come to work on time every day. #2) Do your job every day. It seems so simple and obvious and yet it is not the norm where I work. Then I get to thinking, why don't people do their job? Two reasons. First, they don't want to. Second, they are unable to. Both reasons suck it up. If your reason is that you don't want to, I suggest you find a job that you want to to. If your reason sis that you are unable to do your job, either get trained so you can do your job or find a job that you are able to do. It is maddening.

Today was gloomy and warm. I rode home in the rain. There are two loon couples I see on my ride. On my way in I see the first couple near the shore of Calhoun and on the way home there is another couple at Harriet. It is sweetness. They are close together probably getting breakfast in the morning and dinner in the evening. They give me hope for some reason. Here they are two beautiful creatures in the middle of the city living a perfectly lovely life. I get to enjoy them every day. Thank you for that.

So in the midst of all of my ranting about people not doing their jobs. Really, who cares. Those loons will be there whether or not everyone shows up to work and I can count on them to give me a little joy every day.

Random Ideas and Musings

I wish I was a funny writer. Thinking can be funny - I particularly like to think of funny things. Sometimes I believe I can actually feel the funny part of my brain enjoying the humor. Garrison Keillor is a funny writer. He is funnier in his writing than in person. Strangely, many people take his writing seriously and then get all pissed off with him. Enjoy the fun. Relax.

So last night there was some drama at my house. The weather was sunny but the clouds were rolling in. My bf came over for dinner and I was waiting for my daughter to return from work. It starting looking a little ominous outside and the sirens went off so I called my daughter. She was walking home and had taken refuge in a bus shelter. I set off to pick her up. She was about one mile away. The weather turned terrible in a matter of seconds. The wind picked up and the visibility went down to about 5 feet. It started raining and then hailing... hard. Large sticks and debris flew in front of the car. I was afraid for my life but I realized I had to get my daughter. I kept driving and praying. My hands gripped the wheel. Finally I got to the bus shelter and she ran out to the car. We drove home. The hail was pouring down, the car was sliding on the hail as if it were ice. The wind was really strong. We made it home and the yard was white, covered with hail. The bf and his son greeted us with concern and happiness. All was well.

Then I remembered what I had done just a few hours earlier. I carefully planted the seedlings that I had started inside about 6 weeks ago. I planted some organic heirloom tomato and brocolli plants. The garden bed was now covered in pea sized hail. I was crushed! Life that I had nurtured was gone. In the morning I checked the damage. One plant survived. The others were gone - no evidence was visible of their existence. Then of course I thought of the poor farmers and all of the people who had gone through real distaster and devastation in the past year. My sad little plants had lost their lives - but the effect on my life was tiny. I had a little part of my heart broken, but it has healed. There will be other plants.

How do people survive real loss and tradgedy? How can they believe that things will be okay?

The Compact

A few weeks ago there was an article in the newspaper about something called "The Compact". There is a group of people in San Francisco who started The Compact. The idea is to buy nothing new for one year to support recycling, reusing and to go against consumerism. Think about all the stuff in the world. I have way too much stuff in my basement, in my garage, on my night stand, under my bed. Everywhere! I don't NEED any more stuff. And when I go to Target and see that cute shirt for only $9.99 I have to say no.

I've been trying to do this since January 6. There are no hard and fast rules - the San Fran people have general guidelines, and they are relaxed about the so called rules because they are from California after all.

So, here are the rules. Buy nothing new except food. If you really NEED something, barter, trade, or buy it used.

Here are some ways that I've managed to make it work:

1) buy food for gifts (chocolates, wine, candy)
2) make cards
3) DON'T go to Target - go to the crappy neighborhood Walgreens instead
4) Everytime you say no to the cute shirt in the groovy Boden catalogue take a moment to feel good about what you've just done
5) Tell people - they will hold you to it and keep you on track by asking how it's going
6) Let yourself make exceptions

I will keep you updated on my progress. So far this year I have purchased some non-food items, but no clothes.